This article is by a young woman from the Comox Valley. It originally appeared in 'The Republic of East Vancouver - " Your completely biased news source since 2000". Original article HERE.

(Article suggestion submitted by Diana Paige.)

End of the nuclear family, thank goodness
By Lauren Kaljur

Why did we ever think we could do everything ourselves?

Inflated prices of homes and resulting homelessness are in large part a result of our blind pursuit of an unattainable and unsustainable ideal—namely the nuclear family.

The concept of the nuclear family flowered fully as an ideal just after the Second World War, at a time when consumption of material goods was thought to be the panacea for everything in a world full of endless resources and endless space. Paradoxically, in the entire history of humanity, never have we been so removed from the land and people which gave us life though our blind dependency on inanimate objects. We strive for so much stuff—a house, another house, a car, several cars, and don’t forget the boat. Yet, beyond the bare necessities, studies have shown that more things do not make us happier. Worse still, our single family housing units and their corresponding lifestyles are destroying our planet: we are literally dying by consumption.

This false attachment to things rather than people involves an incredible amount of work and resources to sustain, not only because we want so much, but because we expect ourselves to earn all of this stuff alone and without any help, as if somehow achievements done in concert with others are deemed less worthy. In our current global economy, the small nuclear family unit requires at least two full-time incomes just to pay the mortgage, which has led to the extinction of quality family time and human connectedness, putting at risk our mental and physical well-being. Replacing our historically tried, tested, and true means of meaningful human bonds in extended families, villages, and tribes with frenetic consumerism has fuelled epidemics of anxiety disorders, depression, divorce rates and various self-destructive behaviors ranging from addiction to suicide.

In our current society, one in which we obsess about saving time and making money, it is ironic that we have allowed ourselves to become so wasteful, inefficient, and ineffective in our isolated household units. What about saving money and making time?

Here’s how: we turn our narrow conception of family into an expanded conception of community. Simply put, we re-learn how to live closer together with more people under one roof: extend our family, the more generations the better. Spreading work among a greater number of people reduces the work load for each. More hands means things are done faster. Combined earnings make housing more affordable. Increasing density makes alternative transit more viable. Less space means less stuff. Sharing kitchen tasks and feeding more people makes convenience foods inconvenient. In-house help reduces the need for outside daycare. Priceless moments could be spent not in the office but with our elders and children who have so much to teach us but whose knowledge is lost when they are left in homes and in daycare with underpaid and overworked service providers. The extra time garnered from more help in the household could be spent planting our sustainable garden, reading with our children, and cuddling with our loved-ones.

Between dependent and independent lies inter-dependent. Everyone needs help at times: even Batman has a Robin. Remembering our inter-dependency on one another and our dependency on our planet will determine our future survival. In our current state, we are denying ourselves the benefits of healthy and interactive community. United we stand, divided we fall: it’s an old adage.
“But,” one objects, “I can’t stand my family,” or, “My family lives too far apart.” The good news is we can create our own extended family.

Throughout most of human history, clans and kinship groups were highly fluid and flexible. Our survival depended on it. Even today in times of crisis, the degree to which we are able to help and accept help is the difference between life and death. So, if we can’t get along with our family members, we can adopt new ones. Embracing each other through extended ties is easier than we tend to think: we all share the common need to feel connected, capable, and able to contribute, in other words, to belong.

We’re not all endowed with every skill we’ll ever need to make it on our own. That exclusive dream life we think we want is turning into a nightmare. So let’s wake up, look to each other for help and do things differently. We may not be able to afford a house, but we sure can create a home.